Happiness is Subjective

This post is intended to hurt. A lot. And may contain an unnecessary amount of vulgarity.

On people around me...
I like to see myself as someone who thinks that there is good in everyone. Nobody deserves to be labelled negatively because everyone isn't always what you'd expect them to be. But sometimes the things that they do are just un-freaking-believable that calling them 'shit people' is way simpler than to help them be better. I love talking to people but I dislike making friends because I'm so damn choosy when it comes to the serious things in life. It's not that I cannot be friends with them,  I just refuse to connect with foreign wavelengths than the one I have. Sure I can joke a lot and laugh at theirs but how many of them are genuine?
All I know is I have a shit ton of close friends I love being with and some I feel comfortable opening up to. The others are just shit people to me.

On being selfish and greedy...
I can go on and on about this part but I won't.  There's only one message to say here. Those who know me well can tell you I'm one selfish son of a bitch who usually cares for himself. It doesn't apply to everything I do but it applies to things I think are important to me. I went to Lestari for two things... my girlfriend and my Masters degree. The knowledge I'll receive here is far superior to that of UiTM's. I never wanted to work in the first place but I lo and behold, I'm a Research Assistant. In all honesty, my priority is my Masters. I don't see myself wanting to help in other parts (or works) in the office. So if there are multiple assignments to do, I'll always prioritize those related to my Masters first. Me first, you second rule.

On relationships...
Being close to my girlfriend is the only thing that makes me happy. I don't like taking to a lot of people. I don't find comfort in that. The truth is I use to have a bunch of scandals and several serious girlfriends but none of them really worked. I'm dating someone I know I want to settle down with permanently now. The problem is I'm not sure if I'll ever be what I used to be. In relationships it's a well known fact that sacrifices have to be made. But what if that sacrifice only comes from me? I'm not that demanding in relationships I just don't have the fucking patience to be patient. I'm happy when I'm close to my girlfriend.  I'm happy when she is happy. I love trying to adapt to each other because the process bonds us stronger. So why this post? Why am I not happy? I mean I've been through a lot to convince my parents I want to marry her. And I've done a lot to get to know her family.  Adapting to her requires a huge sacrifice from my part which I am willing to do. I don't force her to go out or to do whatever I do. Why can't she see that? I never knew such person existed in this world. Nothing could ever change my mind to end this relationship. My feelings for her is real. Hers? I'm not sure. She didn't have to try hard at all in this relationship. So who's being so fucking inconsiderate here? I've agreed to adapt to her lifestyle and she doesn't have to adapt to mine any longer ('cause she stripped it all away).

I seriously do not have the time to read through my post again so forgive any spelling and grammatical errors and sorry for the language. I need to blurt out what I'm feeling 'cause I don't see whom I can talk to ATM.

On Cars and Long Journeys

3/10/11 (7 p.m. – 1.00 a.m.)

Going to places never fails to excite anyone; unless of course it was for bad intention. I for one am always thrilled to explore other places I’ve never visited before. At the time of writing this I’m (with my peers) am at Cameron Highlands. Specifically Berrinchang (gotta check on the spelling).  We’re here for our Studio work involving interpretation of trails set by our lecturers. I won’t go into details what it’s all about but I’ll be sure to include some footage of the work we’re doing here. The trip from Shah Alam took approximately 5 long hours (though I mentioned 8 in the video to exaggerate) with 3 pit stops to lunch and…pee. As I’m typing this I have to endure a tremendous amount of pain due to cramping on my right foot: I just bought my hiking shoes last night and I only had today to start breaking in the shoe. Anyways, let’s talk about the journey so I’ll start with something I love. Cars.

            I love cars. Anyone who knows me well can prove that. Not just supercars; any cars will do unless they don’t click with me. On my way to Cameron I saw an Aston Martin DB9. I HEART ASTONs. Period. If there’s one car I would love to own in this world if I’m a millionaire it would be an Aston. Any model will do. You’ll probably say they are tons of supercars out there to love so why A.M? Simple: It appeals to me. I find Astons to be more practical compared to say a Lamborghini or Bugatti. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a Veyron if I can afford it but the car isn’t that practical and not all that sexy. The thing about cars is, my friends/peers/people I know, they love taking pictures of themselves posing beside strangers’ expensive cars (supercars, luxury, etc.). It’s not wrong but it annoys me in a way. Sorry I can’t explain why but it just does. BUT I love taking photos of them without a model. Taking pictures of cars is an addiction of mine. It makes me forget about problems and I get to be in my own world which is a good thing. Just like tennis, when I’m on court I feel ‘home’. I never like pictures of myself with a car. I never liked pictures of myself either. Sure I might take one or two only if it’s an Aston though but it is an act of disgrace, IMO. Being in your comfort zone can always make you feel better about what lies ahead. The idea of doing an interpretation studio in Cameron got me freaked out. I’m a fast thinking person at theoretical matters but when it comes to field work, it’s a disaster. But seeing that DB9 made me tell myself “It’s gonna be a good trip. Nothing’s gonna bring you down. It’s your moment to shine so give it your best.” That’s all it took to lift my mood. Weird, but true.

            I’ve been on long journeys more times than I can remember.

…

(Dinner – Steamboat)

(Briefing)

            Ugh my foot is still cramping and the chilly weather isn’t helping much. Where was I? Oh yeah, long journeys. Long journeys can take up to 5 hours ++ travel distance and I believe my longest yet (locally) is 8 hours to Kedah. When it comes to far distance locations my preferred mode of transportation is always tour busses or cars. I do not like taking flights simply because there isn’t much to see in the sky. A 5 hour bus trip isn’t that interesting to a lot of people but I’m not like ‘a lot of people’. Others may pull their curtains so that they’re able to sleep throughout the journey but I like my shades to be as wide open as possible (except when the damn sun’s shining in my face). Enjoying the view is my primary reason for doing so, then comes spotting supercars and bikes and finally (and I’m not kidding) admiring infrastructures such as retention walls and marble factories. Call me a weirdo if you may but my interests usually don’t follow the norm of others. No matter the case, I feel grateful that I have my good friends around me. I might not even survive in university without them. Take my just-became-close-friend, Shafiq Latif who’s also my housemate. I’m currently suffering foot cramps and he massages it without complaining. I can safely assume he actually enjoys it. My girlfriend, Rafidah, is constantly worrying ‘bout me when she has much bigger issues to worry about. These are just 2 of many people close to me that I can consider as family. If you read my first entry in this blog you’ll know that I’m very particular when it comes to making friends. Being a friend of mine just for the sake of being a friend isn’t what I’m looking for. When I consider somebody a friend, it shows that I care for that person in a way that I consider them to be a major part of my life. People in facebook are mere acquaintances. That’s the beauty of the online world.

Anyways, I’ve to end the blog here ‘cuz it’s 12.30 a.m. and I’m the MC for tomorrow’s morning briefing/lecture. I’ll be sure to post something new soon if I have the time.

Cheerio :D