I am Alive - Meeting the Other Side

4 weeks ago I met her dad just before tennis. That was also the moment when my girlfriend's mum found out about me. I remember telling her that her mum would want to meet me soon, 3 months earlier than planned. 4 weeks later, it happened. Here's what happened...

2 June 2013

Went to Kg. Pandan to the mosque in front of her house to perform the Asar prayer and tennis afterwards. I wanted to approach the dad there 'cause it was the easiest way to meet him. I set up the meeting. Met him (more like SURPRISED HIM) and viola~ Done and done. I remember very well that I told her "it won't take long before mama wants to meet me. Trust me it'll be sooner than Raya."

4 Weeks Later - 30 June 2013

Had a three-day workshop with YAWA, DBKL and school teachers. Was very enlightening and I learned a ton of stuff. Unnecessary to post here. Moving on.

Lunch was uneventful but there were leftovers that were guaranteed to be dumped and wasted. Seha (my girlfriend) took the opportunity to invite her parents and siblings to finish the leftovers. I was shocked (and nervous) to hear that the mum was there with them. Oh, the butterflies.

Skipping uneventful stuffs...

So we greeted all of them (my colleague Anne was with me that time - THANK GOD) and I began chatting away. The way my girlfriend describe her mum is so unlike what she was that time. Perhaps this is how she reacts to outsiders, I guess? All I know was I wasn't the type who likes to beat around the bush so I talked and questioned everything I needed to know about her, the family and her phD thesis (I opened the conversation with this because it has been bugging me for 2 weeks). An hour earlier I couldn't control my nerves; constantly asking what should I talk about and how to control my nerves. Knowing me I'm the type of person who do not get stage frights, I was able to turn the table around. I was the one who couldn't stop talking, making jokes and teasing the whole lot as if we're friends. The only time my pie-hole was shut was when they were conversing in Kelantanese.

I am very comfortable speaking my mind out to people who deserve to listen. And her mum falls into that category. The mum is a major in psychology. Something I love. Yes, I work in a sustainable environment institute but my passion has always been psychology and human behaviour - SORRY LESTARI. I had no problem arguing back and forth with her especially on how she deals with her kids. I especially loved the part where we argued about her decision to send her sons to private schools. We talked about my family and to much surprised, she was mostly positive about me. When it comes to serious talk about human behaviour, I know I am very convincing. Prove me wrong, I dare you. After one hour, the mum offered to follow them to perform our pilgrimage next year which made my heart jumped (if it could, I would have probably barfed it out). I was beyond happy when she offered. Funny thing was a few weeks back I joked to Seha that their family would want me to join them for Umrah - and look what just happened. Haha.

After they left, Seha texted me saying that the topic in the car (and at home) was about me. Give me a reason to be unhappy about this 'cause I can't find one. 

I FEEL ALIVE.

Happiness is Subjective

This post is intended to hurt. A lot. And may contain an unnecessary amount of vulgarity.

On people around me...
I like to see myself as someone who thinks that there is good in everyone. Nobody deserves to be labelled negatively because everyone isn't always what you'd expect them to be. But sometimes the things that they do are just un-freaking-believable that calling them 'shit people' is way simpler than to help them be better. I love talking to people but I dislike making friends because I'm so damn choosy when it comes to the serious things in life. It's not that I cannot be friends with them,  I just refuse to connect with foreign wavelengths than the one I have. Sure I can joke a lot and laugh at theirs but how many of them are genuine?
All I know is I have a shit ton of close friends I love being with and some I feel comfortable opening up to. The others are just shit people to me.

On being selfish and greedy...
I can go on and on about this part but I won't.  There's only one message to say here. Those who know me well can tell you I'm one selfish son of a bitch who usually cares for himself. It doesn't apply to everything I do but it applies to things I think are important to me. I went to Lestari for two things... my girlfriend and my Masters degree. The knowledge I'll receive here is far superior to that of UiTM's. I never wanted to work in the first place but I lo and behold, I'm a Research Assistant. In all honesty, my priority is my Masters. I don't see myself wanting to help in other parts (or works) in the office. So if there are multiple assignments to do, I'll always prioritize those related to my Masters first. Me first, you second rule.

On relationships...
Being close to my girlfriend is the only thing that makes me happy. I don't like taking to a lot of people. I don't find comfort in that. The truth is I use to have a bunch of scandals and several serious girlfriends but none of them really worked. I'm dating someone I know I want to settle down with permanently now. The problem is I'm not sure if I'll ever be what I used to be. In relationships it's a well known fact that sacrifices have to be made. But what if that sacrifice only comes from me? I'm not that demanding in relationships I just don't have the fucking patience to be patient. I'm happy when I'm close to my girlfriend.  I'm happy when she is happy. I love trying to adapt to each other because the process bonds us stronger. So why this post? Why am I not happy? I mean I've been through a lot to convince my parents I want to marry her. And I've done a lot to get to know her family.  Adapting to her requires a huge sacrifice from my part which I am willing to do. I don't force her to go out or to do whatever I do. Why can't she see that? I never knew such person existed in this world. Nothing could ever change my mind to end this relationship. My feelings for her is real. Hers? I'm not sure. She didn't have to try hard at all in this relationship. So who's being so fucking inconsiderate here? I've agreed to adapt to her lifestyle and she doesn't have to adapt to mine any longer ('cause she stripped it all away).

I seriously do not have the time to read through my post again so forgive any spelling and grammatical errors and sorry for the language. I need to blurt out what I'm feeling 'cause I don't see whom I can talk to ATM.