Happiness is Subjective

This post is intended to hurt. A lot. And may contain an unnecessary amount of vulgarity.

On people around me...
I like to see myself as someone who thinks that there is good in everyone. Nobody deserves to be labelled negatively because everyone isn't always what you'd expect them to be. But sometimes the things that they do are just un-freaking-believable that calling them 'shit people' is way simpler than to help them be better. I love talking to people but I dislike making friends because I'm so damn choosy when it comes to the serious things in life. It's not that I cannot be friends with them,  I just refuse to connect with foreign wavelengths than the one I have. Sure I can joke a lot and laugh at theirs but how many of them are genuine?
All I know is I have a shit ton of close friends I love being with and some I feel comfortable opening up to. The others are just shit people to me.

On being selfish and greedy...
I can go on and on about this part but I won't.  There's only one message to say here. Those who know me well can tell you I'm one selfish son of a bitch who usually cares for himself. It doesn't apply to everything I do but it applies to things I think are important to me. I went to Lestari for two things... my girlfriend and my Masters degree. The knowledge I'll receive here is far superior to that of UiTM's. I never wanted to work in the first place but I lo and behold, I'm a Research Assistant. In all honesty, my priority is my Masters. I don't see myself wanting to help in other parts (or works) in the office. So if there are multiple assignments to do, I'll always prioritize those related to my Masters first. Me first, you second rule.

On relationships...
Being close to my girlfriend is the only thing that makes me happy. I don't like taking to a lot of people. I don't find comfort in that. The truth is I use to have a bunch of scandals and several serious girlfriends but none of them really worked. I'm dating someone I know I want to settle down with permanently now. The problem is I'm not sure if I'll ever be what I used to be. In relationships it's a well known fact that sacrifices have to be made. But what if that sacrifice only comes from me? I'm not that demanding in relationships I just don't have the fucking patience to be patient. I'm happy when I'm close to my girlfriend.  I'm happy when she is happy. I love trying to adapt to each other because the process bonds us stronger. So why this post? Why am I not happy? I mean I've been through a lot to convince my parents I want to marry her. And I've done a lot to get to know her family.  Adapting to her requires a huge sacrifice from my part which I am willing to do. I don't force her to go out or to do whatever I do. Why can't she see that? I never knew such person existed in this world. Nothing could ever change my mind to end this relationship. My feelings for her is real. Hers? I'm not sure. She didn't have to try hard at all in this relationship. So who's being so fucking inconsiderate here? I've agreed to adapt to her lifestyle and she doesn't have to adapt to mine any longer ('cause she stripped it all away).

I seriously do not have the time to read through my post again so forgive any spelling and grammatical errors and sorry for the language. I need to blurt out what I'm feeling 'cause I don't see whom I can talk to ATM.

Honestly Dunno How to Name This...

Last night I had a bad dream. The dream itself was nothing but the experience was bizarre. I was half conscious and half asleep. Anyways, that's not the point. LOL. Why mention it, right?

Do you appreciate what you have? Honestly think about it. If someone were to come up to me and ask that I would take a moment before answering it. The only reason why I say yes is to avoid being lectured. Nobody's gonna lecture me here so truthfully: I don't know. I do appreciate what I have and the people around me but I don't appreciate myself. I am not a happy person like how people see me. I hate myself all the time without any reason. Ugh. Life isn't easy, I know. This semester isn't easy for me. I'm seriously thinking of quitting but my parents told me to just go on eventhough non of us actually agree that I'm in UiTM. My mum told me this morning that my English is getting sh*ttier and I can't blame her. Ever since I entered UiTM I noticed that. I used to be in a 90% English speaking environment and now it took a 360 degrees turn. My best friends were over for the weekend last week and one of them actually used Malay and I was in utter shock. I think he's feeling the pressure himself. They are so little people in West Malaysia that actually speaks full English. I know one of my juniors that does and I kinda like speaking to her. Wish there are more of us. Anyways, I've decided that after I get my degree I'll either take my Masters or get a double degree in something that I actually like. I'm really hating life. That's why I have friends around me to take my mind of things. Thanks for being there, everyone.

P/S: Novak Djokovic won the US Open this morning. It was predictable in a way but I seriously thought Nadal had a chance. Oh well. Congratulations, Novak.